FitBark

fitbark-dog-activity-monitor

Thanks to FitBark, you can now run your dog’s life with the same obsessive, phone-based tracking that you run your own with. You can set health goals for your dog, and, neurotically, compare your dog to similar dogs. Five years ago, you would have been convinced I made this up. Today, it’s not only real, but perhaps not even the worst smart device for dogs: that honor probably goes to Petzi, the $160 box that lets you remotely drop a dog treat out of a hole when you tap a button on your phone.

(Petzi’s competitor, the slightly-more-expensive PetCube, integrates with Alexa, so you can tell Amazon to tell your PetCube to tell your dog he’s a good boy.)

Baby Circumcision Trainer

circumcision-trainer

I guess it’s good for doctors to get some practice before they get in there for real and start chopping, but we both know weirdos are online buying this thing for other reasons. (Image here is pixellated for obvious reasons, but if you need to see the uncensored version, which you don’t, it’s on the listing.)



Touchjet Wave

touchjet-wave

You can turn any television into a touchscreen with the absurdly expensive Touchjet Wave, a goosenecked box that clips to the top of your television, and brings back the days of not being able to operate your television from your couch. Most televisions sold now let you navigate YouTube or Netflix using the remote that comes with the television, so why you’d want to get fingerprints on the front of your flat-screen is a mystery.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.