The Worst Things For Sale

In 2003, “Macho Man” Randy Savage recorded a rap album. It’s out of print, of course, but it’s apparently collectible.

The TowlHub is a 4-port USB charger combined with a paper towel holder. It’s $49.99, which is a small price to pay for keeping thousands of dollars of tablets and phones right next to your kitchen sink.

The Nosefrida is a Swedish device allowing you to suck snot out of your child’s nose, in the same manner you would use to start a siphon from someone’s gas tank. Only it’s snot instead of gasoline, and a baby screams directly into your face the whole time you’re using it. The downside is that it actually works, so you have to use this every time they’re sick, or you’re a bad parent.

“Elf Bowling: The Movie” costs $3.79, but even at this price, it has mostly bad reviews. It’s based off the 1998 video game “Elf Bowling,” for some reason.

It’s free to watch on Amazon Prime Instant Video, in case you have an Amazon Prime membership & want to murder 82 minutes of your life. I do not suggest this, because I watched it, and the only good part was the teaser at the end for “Elf Bowling 2: The Great Pumpkin Heist,” which, thankfully, was never actually made.

“Boobies!” is a $65 jar that has moss in it, and a tiny figurine of a woman lifting her shirt. I’ve blurred it here, but you can see it on the product listing.

For only $770.01, you not only get a swinging outdoor bed, but an insane run-on-sentence title. (Check out the actual name of the product, for real.)

From the makers of Vagina Toaster (Yellow) comes Penis Toaster. I had to blur the picture because we live in a censorship hellscape, but you can see the unblurred version on the product listing if you must.