The Worst Things For Sale

It’s not that setting up a flaming pile of skulls in your yard wouldn’t be the most bad-assed thing to ever happen to your yard. It’s just that they’re sold individually, so if you want the full “pile of skulls” effect, it’ll run you several hundred dollars. (The manufacturer recommends you use nine to fifteen skulls.)

This LED light fits inside the neck of a bottle, and could be used with most wine or liquor bottles. The question of why you’d want a Southern Comfort lamp, on the other hand, has not been answered.

Yes, a “digital canvas” is just a television hung sideways.

Yes, it costs way more than a television.

According to the makers of this shirt, at least, who also made this weirdly hostile anti-fat shirt and this inscrutable combination of two or two and a half different ideas.

The Himalayan Pink Salt Kit is a small rock of pink salt and a grater, for what doesn’t seem like an outrageous price, until you realize you can get FIVE POUNDS of the same salt for six bucks.

You have to physically load water and ground coffee into this coffeemaker, so it’s anyone’s guess as to why you’d want to then walk into another room and start it up via Wi-Fi. Even the person in the manufacturer’s own illustration is pressing the button on the front instead of using their phone.

Do you believe in free will? The ability of the mind to break free of its physical determinism and command the body? Or do you think, as complex as it may be, human existence is simply emergent from the physical laws of the universe? That gravity, electromagnetism, weak and strong nuclear forces acting on matter have swung into motion this whole shitshow, and we are powerless to watch it happen, barely awake, gone in an instant?

Well, here’s a Trump Fidget Spinner.