For the price of just a few months’ worth of health insurance, you can own this enormous malachite pyramid. (Check out the picture of a lady holding it, for size.) It may not do anything, but, as the manufacturer explains, “Please do not expect something that looks like it was made in a factory.” Yeah! Fuck the factory pyramids!
If you need something less pointy to heal, you should go with this 46-pound crystal ball, described as a “high altitude orb gem” that contains “green phantoms.”
PureLyft is an “energy stir stick” that dissolves in a glass of water to release caffeine, sweetener, and flavoring. Most of the reviews note that it tastes terrible, which is an accomplishment, because companies have been mixing water, flavorings, and caffeine together for decades. Unsurprisingly, it’s “frequently bought with” the caffeine-vape I wrote about earlier this month.
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