The Worst Things For Sale

If you’re really an introvert, do you want random people to walk up to you in public and start reading your shirt? Or, worse, talking to you about how you’re a quiet loner, recharge, thinkers, brainy, focus, INTROVERTS?

Inspired by the success of The Boyfriend Pillow, there is now The Girlfriend Pillow. I’m guessing it took a long time to design because of the challenges in accurately modeling and simulating a girlfriend’s torso and arm, but I have no doubt you’ll agree that it was worth the wait.

The lone customer review for this item (which I’ve censored here, in case a candy dick will get you in trouble at home or work) is that it arrived used. Hey, someone’s gotta test out the dick candy necklace to make sure it… dick candies.

We’re almost halfway through 2017 and “Keep Calm” is still going strong. Though, finally, with this t-shirt, it’s finally moved into unintelligible territory.

Whether you’re a Trumpie or not, you’ve gotta admit the manufacturers of this talking Trump doll (left) did a great job of capturing Donald Trump’s imposing physique (right.)

In the office, this is a cornball sign. Vaguely inspirational cack.

The bathroom, on the other hand, could probably use a little imperative sign on the back of the toilet to remind you why you’re there.

If you’ve ever wondered how random people on instagram have enormous stacks of cash, this is probably the answer. You can get a stack of $10,000 fake bills for 0.12% the face value. (The bills in the middle are blank, which left the sole reviewer angry, by the way.)