Spit On The Flag

mudjug-flag

It’s always seemed strange to me that the people who are most obsessed with American patriotism, and the American flag, purchase products like this spittoon. But, hey… If you want to spit directly onto the American flag, you can do that. You want to wipe your feet on the American flag as a doormat? Be my guest. Put an American flag vibrator on your hotdog, or your hotdog bun, or your b-hole? Go for it. This is your country too, even if you disrespect the flag.



Robot Boss

telepresence-robot

The new iPad Telepresence Robot lets you mount an iPad to a pair of wheels so you can silently scoot around your office while you’re working from home, chatting up your coworkers, or perhaps silently spying on them as they fritter your corporate profits away on Twitter.

For the boss who’s cheap enough to skip the pretense of the “social” part of remotely spying on his coworkers, the Appbot Link accomplishes the same thing for a tenth of the price, and features a camera closer to the floor, for added stealth. You can even recline the camera angle for upskirt shots, not that a shitty boss would ever demean his female employees by trying to do such a thing!



Shotgunning A Beer

shotgun-champ-how-to-shotgun-a-beer

The Shotgun Champ, a product you can purchase, is not how you shotgun a beer. You punch a hole in the side of the can with literally any metal object, then pop the top and drink the foul brew through the hole in the side. I don’t personally endorse the idea, but if it’s something you want to do for personal reasons, you should at least do it in a way that doesn’t involve purchasing a shitty piece of plastic.

But at least it’s not a BottleBong, whose functionality can be replicated with a bendy-straw.






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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.