Caffeinated Peanut Butter

caffeinated-peanut-butter

Peanut-butter toast and a cup of coffee is a pretty classic, cheap breakfast combo. Which means it makes perfect sense to replace that with a thirteen-dollar jar of caffeinated peanut butter. It’s got a skull and bones on it, though, so that means it’s… angry?

At least they didn’t claim, like the manufacturers of Steem Caffeinated Peanut Butter, that “caffeine naturally bonds with peanut butter.” (It does no such thing, chemically speaking, and if it did, then the caffeine wouldn’t work in its intended fashion, having reacted with the other ingredients.)



The Fondoodler

fondoodler-hot-cheese-gun

The Fondoodler is, as the manufacturer admits, a  “Hot Glue Gun – But For Cheese.” Unfortunately, cheese is harder to melt than ethylene vinyl acetate (the main component in hot-melt adhesive sticks) which means, as several customers note, you have to wait for each little bit of cheese to melt after pushing it into the hot tip of the Fondoodler. Still, it’s worth a look to see the photo gallery of gingerbread-style houses made with cheese and crackers, even though they must have taken hours to make.



Human Sweat

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Here’s one vial of human sweat. It’s marked “for research use only,” but I’m sure nobody will know if you drink that bad boy in the privacy of your own home.

The World Of Trump Masks

Each of these horrors links to the page where you could purchase them, against my strong suggestion that you do not.








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Contact drew at drew@toothpastefordinner.com or tweet him @TWTFSale.