The Worst Things For Sale

Four freight pallets, right? Read the single, 1-star customer review to see where this poor guy went wrong.

The lone customer review for this item (which I’ve censored here, in case a candy dick will get you in trouble at home or work) is that it arrived used. Hey, someone’s gotta test out the dick candy necklace to make sure it… dick candies.

Inspired by the success of The Boyfriend Pillow, there is now The Girlfriend Pillow. I’m guessing it took a long time to design because of the challenges in accurately modeling and simulating a girlfriend’s torso and arm, but I have no doubt you’ll agree that it was worth the wait.

This attachment allows you to shoot golf balls using your AR-15. Even if you do play golf, and own an AR-15, isn’t the point to hit the ball with your club?

If you’re wondering how an erotic e-book about “Interracial cuckold, messy clean-up” involves a fidget spinner, you can hit the “Look Inside” to read the first few pages of this book. Then again, if you’ve been reading this site for more than a few days, you can probably figure it out without having to read a single word of the book itself.

In an attempt to break into the market of “people who use baby wipes but don’t like that it says baby wipes on the box,” Butt Valet is exactly that, but called Butt Valet. Bizarrely, the manufacturer provides several pictures of people holding Butt Valet in different scenarios. Whether it’s Dude Wipes, GoodWipes, or Stall Mates, the wet-wipe remains the same.

“You’ll never look at the alphabet the same way again,” says the author of A Is For Anus, apparently unaware that nobody’s ever noticed how the word anus is spelled.